Liberals are taking to battle July 4th, 2018


My friend, Capt. Judy Miller-Keay, has reported that the rebels have held strong and successful at the Siege of Penzey’s in the Sellwood section of Portland, Or., which brings me great relief. The thought of seeing such a great herb shop floating in a sea of red MAGA hats was almost more than I could bear. Where else could we all get a really decent herbs de provence? I mean, really.

Random bursts of gunfire blurt out every so often in the distance and I heard an ambulance siren earlier, but things are much more quiet today and I am grateful for that. Perhaps, we can all begin to heal. Maj. Neyhart found a definite bullet hole in my pack, although we have failed to find a bullet in my body, nor do I feel the least bit paralyzed, and even tested myself by doing the macarena in the kitchen while smearing peanut butter on my toast. Her shoulder seems better, although she was definitely wounded. Lt. Toby only has some minor powder burns on his paws. My horse Dickens, however, has already begun his rehab and is swimming in our pool. JS


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