Category Archives: What???

Now this is rain


We are used to the rain up here in the Pacific NW during the fall and winter months, but not THIS kind of rain, a down-pour so unrelenting it makes you get up in the night and stare out the window to see if you can spot one of the Four Horsemen galloping across the back yard. Wow.

Feels like a Dallas thunderstorm, without the thunder, lightning and the feeling that you are being shot at with some sort of assault weapon. It is intense. Rain is necessary, we know that, in order to bring on the kind of greenery we enjoy up here, but the rain has always been a sort of misting, like Mother Nature is sort of spitting on you for months at a time, so this is kind of scary. JS


Shower time – nice


Took my first shower today (that wasn’t a sit-on-the-edge-of-the-tub-and-pour-water-over-myself-from-a-cup kind of spit bath) since Nov. 19th. Oooooh, baby!

Wanted to make sure I could bend my leg enough to get in and out of the tub without help and without dragging the shower curtain rod out of the wall and suffocating myself in the bottom of the tub. I’m guessing it worked because here I sit, all clean and shined up, freshly-scrubbed and waiting for Life to give me some new instructions. Time to pay attention. JS


Accidental enlightenment


Accidental enlightenment: when something almost important occurs to you for no apparent reason. For example, I realized yesterday while doing the laundry that, unless you do the last load buck naked and stand in front of the dryer until it is all dried and ready to fold, you will NEVER have all of the laundry done all at once. It is impossible. Thank you. JS


They are NOT on my head


Stef’s son, Sam, arrived late yesterday with his girlfriend, Trish, whom we’d not met before. Clearly, we wanted to impress her with our tidiness and flair. So, we have cleaned and scrubbed like maniacs for the past week, sprucing up the whole place with new lamps, comforters, pillows, etc.Since parts of our house often look like a grenade just went off in a laundry basket (no names named here) you can understand that this has been an INTENSE process. Indeed, right up until Stef left to go pick them up at the airport in Eugene, we were up on ladders hanging baskets with gorgeous flowers tumbling out of them.

While ago, as I was sitting in here perusing Facebook, Stef stuck her head in the door and asked, “Did you really mean to leave your underpants there on the bed?”

I looked up, perplexed. “Oh!” I said, “I actually DIDN’T mean to do that.”

She cocked her head, like a puppy. “So, then, you just got distracted?” she asked.

“No, not really,” I replied. “I was in the process of putting them on when suddenly – and, for no apparent reason – I wandered off.”

She snorted and headed down the hallway.

“At least, they’re not on my head!” I shouted after her.

And, they are NOT on my head, although I’m not entirely sure why I’m wearing this cap right now. Oh well. JS


Is Mercury in retrograde?


Mercury must be in retrograde. Or something. I’d like to be able to blame the series of SNAFUs that have happened to me since I’ve been in Tulsa on something other than just me and I’d want to know that if, indeed, Mercury is doing its double-cross dance across the sky and sending screw-ups raining down on us all that it will end soon. Before Thursday, is my hope, because I’ll be hopping into a car on that day and driving back across the nation to Oregon and I’d like to envision my trip as one of clear sailing and not dodging one crisis after another or careening from catastrophe to catastrophe along the interstate highway system of America. I’ve done that one before. Read my book, DEAD IN A DITCH – Growing Up in Texas & Other Near-Death Experiences, to find out just how all of that happened.

When I first arrived here last week, while extricating an avocado pit in the most stupid way imaginable, I stabbed the underside of my forefinger knuckle with a knife point. For someone who uses her hands in her work, this is not ideal. Liquid Bandage and peanut oil with arnica in it, however, has allowed me to work and it’s been okay. Thanks to my friend Kay Sheehan for that idea.

Two days ago, after an elderly client left, I noticed the rug in the room where I work was rucked up from the walker she uses to help her get around and I thought: OH, I REALLY NEED TO FIX THAT RUG SO NOBODY TRIPS ON IT. Well. Of course, I completely forgot about it until I went walking back into that room at full bore and tripped on the rug myself which sent me crashing onto a little table and into the wall. I didn’t hit my head – something I’m always terrified of doing now – but both shoulders and my right knee are pretty stove up and there’s a dark purple bruise the size of a Nerf football on my lower left side. So, now I am taking anti-inflammatories and smearing Arnica gel all over me and shuffling along like Tim Conway.

Then, of course, as I reported yesterday, I spent the first of my waking hours trapped behind a stuck door which wouldn’t open until my friend Lynda Jacobs came over and smacked it hard with both hands to pop it free and liberate me from doom and/or boredom.

On the good side, I’ve done some really good work on some really great people, which always makes my heart smile. And, I learned that every one of the clients I saw yesterday would have driven over here in the dark to save me if they had known I needed help. A couple were actually kind of disappointed that they didn’t get the call. Sweethearts.

So, I’m hoping this is just the messy shenanigans of Mercury doing his retrograde malarkey dance in the sky. And, I’m hoping he’s done with it by Thursday. Just in case, though, if you live between Tulsa and southern Oregon and you have access to a four-wheel drive vehicle, extra skis, a big inner tube, or a shotgun, you might send me a personal FB message with your phone #. If Mercury doesn’t get his act together and start behaving himself by Thursday, you’ll probably be hearing from me. JS


Over 50? Get a Colonoscopy!


Thank you so much for your prayers & thoughts, everyone. A family member had a colonoscopy last week and they found (and removed) a 3 inch mass hiding back, which was laden with pre-cancerous cells.

He’s on antibiotics now to ward off infection and he will have to be cautious and conscientious about regular colonoscopies going forward, but I think he’s going to be okay. What a relief.

So, to all of my over-50 friends, if you have not had a colonoscopy, I STRONGLY URGE you to do so.

The first one I had, my doctor looked right out of Jr. High. Of course, they give you this happy juice to get ready (probably big mistake in my case) so you’re liable to say ANYTHING, which I did. So, my middle school doc walks in and I say, “Finish your paper route?”

And he replies, “Ha-ha.”

I look at him with my crossed eyes and ask, “How old are you, anyway…Son?”

And he replies, “Old enough.”

I stared at him some more before I said, “I bet I’ve got polyps older than you!” Turns out, I did, BUT NOT ANYMORE!

So, please, my friends, GET YOUR COLON CHECKED! Caught early enough, colon cancer is totally treatable, and a colonoscopy is not as bad as you might think – it’s the prep that’s the challenge. Okay. Rant over. Hugs. JS


Hair on my legs ?


I have no hair on my legs. None. Menopause had rendered me down to 3 on my right leg only and zero on the left and now those 3 have disappeared, too. I’m thinking I must have dripped some of my home-made weed killer onto my pants leg the other day. Or, perhaps my eyesight is going. Or, aliens made off with me in the night, plucked out those 3 remaining hairs for research, looked at each other and said, “Nah, she’s a geezer – she’ll never even notice,” then carted me back home and into my bed before dawn when I awoke. At any rate, that’s the status for today.

Spooky, isn’t it? The thought that you could be double-crossed by your very own body 3 & 4 times in one lifetime is really kind of creepy, don’t you think? I mean, just when I finally get used to it being a particular way – WHAM! – there’s something new that’s arrived or disappeared and, suddenly, I have to spend twice as long to look half as good as I ever did, and even half of that time is spent plucking or tweeking somehow, or clipping or tucking in or cinching up or buffing or smearing with some sort of cream or ointment.

So, I hope you’re having a hey-day, you creepy, weird-O aliens, with my 3 leg hairs, and I hope my schizophrenic DNA sprays all over you when you crack those babies open. You won’t know what’s hit you. I certainly don’t. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it. JS


I’m feeling a strong urge to write to someone about this


Stef took a couple of Nyquil capsules last night and, thus, she may sleep until Tuesday.

One time, some years back, when I was still rolfing in Dallas, I felt I was getting a cold. My friend Shirley handed me a Coricidin-D cold tablet, which I immediately took. Made it to DFW and onto my Delta flight, but I fell asleep so hard that what woke me was this very young, very sweet flight attendant trying to lift my big head out of the aisle (where it was hanging) and back onto my chair (from where it had slipped) all so they could get past it with the beverage cart. I don’t remember anything about that flight beyond that.

I’m thinking that sleeping through an illness might not be such a bad thing; I feel the same about addictions, too. I think we should be able to be knocked out for a period of time and, when we awaken, we are amazingly free of, say, brownie or bacon molecules floating around in there which make us want more of them. I might be even more brilliant than I’d imagined and am now feeling a strong urge to write to someone about this. First, I’ll go make breakfast – no brownies, because I am so amazingly strong; plus, we don’t have any, but bacon, for sure. JS